Docu-FAIL

I’ve had this ridiculous user manual sitting around for months now, and I couldn’t stand the thought of such an amazing piece of literature wasting away in the data closet.  I just had to scan it in for the world.  I’ve seen some bad documentation in my life, but this goes beyond bad.  Most people who have little command over another language will try to write as little as possible to reduce the chance for errors.  This guy just kept on going for 8 pages.  Mind you, this is for a USB disk enclosure!  How much freakin’ documentation does that require?   Maybe 4 bullet points?

I now present to you in its entirety, the USER MANUAL for the USB PORTABLE HARD DISK (some no-name product I bought from Tiger Direct last year).

Cover.  They didn’t really screw up too much here, except that it’s not a disk, it’s a $20 enclosure.  Oh, and that that bastardized Apple logo – I don’t think this is Apple-certified.  Oh, and cool — it supports PC and NOTEBOOK!  I feel like my mom is talking to me about technology.

Cover

Page 1.  OK, so the spelling and punctuation errors aren’t even funny.  But I sure was glad to know that “u can also play Mp3 FILES” — apparently this guy has been out in the Purple Rain a little too long for his own good.  And I was happy to see that I can do “everything u like as using a disk driver”, because I can do some cool shit with a disk driver!

Page1

Page 2. Good thing I don’t have “Window 98”, cause I don’t have the “set-up programme”, which I guess I would get down at Ye Olde Computing Machinery Shoppe…

Page 2

Page 3. Oh, crap — where did I leave my Floopy disk?

Page 3

Page 4. And I thought I was the only one who practiced reading and writing data to disks…

Page 4

Page 5. Look at that popup — so realistic, it’s uncanny.  Wait – Buffalo Bill just called from his Wild West Show — he wants his font back!  Good god – haven’t these people ever heard of a screenshot?  But this page is probably the best in the whole manual — I finally know how to whop my product, or at least how to whop the USB cable from the USB port!

Page 5

 Page 6: This page is curious.  I guess I thought that “whopping” meant “stopping”.  But apparently you can whop and stop the same device, so what the hell can whop mean?

Page 6

 Page 7: No, there’s nothing wrong with my scanner.  That’s really how bad the screenshot looks in the printed manual.  You can’t read a damn thing.

Page 7

Page 8: I was going to give such high marks to the writer for getting “it’s” right (most native English speakers can’t).  But then he follows it up with “unnessary”.

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